War Week

[mockmods]

[A week has gone and past, as has the first of your number. The Researcher revealing himself, more or less, by punishing Patches, the Trusty, for pushing an unclear boundary.]

[And yet, routine seems to have returned. The Researcher makes morning and evening announcements as if nothing has happened. Meals are served in the dining hall. The copies of Oregon Trail in the computer lab now have a text-only mode for some reason? Penny has not been seen since Friday, and attempts to access the Security Room have been fruitless.]

[But overall, life in the Facility has remained unchanged. But the atmosphere is getting tenser - sooner or later something is going to break.]

Sunday | Monday | Tuesday | Wednesday Thursday

Comments

[gangplankgalleon]

[have you ever been hurled at a mini oven spy bc that’s happening now]

QUIT YOUR INCESSANT RAMBLING! I WISH TO WIN, LACKEY!

[boxtrot]

[Ah, fuck. can't believe you've done this

Spy gets manhandled back to the kitchen, but not without a lot of whining.]

Get your hands off of me, you horrible reptilian! This suit costs more than you can even begin to comprehend.

[He huffs and wipes nonexistent dust off the front of his lapels.]

Fine. I'll play this game, for now. What are we supposed to be making?

[gangplankgalleon]

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE PAYING ATTENTION!

[...]

[boxtrot]

Why would you think I was paying attention? I was questioning her!

[They're gonna wind up making fucking pasta instead of a dessert]

[gangplankgalleon]

I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR ATTEMPTS TO FLIRT! BAH! JUST PUT SOMETHING IN THAT OVEN!

[delicious]

[boxtrot]

I'm in my forties, I'm not flirting with a girl who looks half my age!

[But fine. Spy looks at their station with a sort of mild panic. He's... not a fan of trying to work together with a giant crocodile, and he's pretty sure this is gonna go horribly, so he should chose something simple.]

How about pasta?

[We're doing this lepo we're fucking making this happen]

[gangplankgalleon]

YES! FINE! MAKE SOME SPAGHETTI, WE JUST NEED SOMETHING THERE PRONTO!

[and so lepo wakes up from a stoned stupor and writes about pasta]

[boxtrot]

[lepo u are so valid

Spy huffs, but gets to work. Spaghetti is simple- there's no way this crocodile can screw it up for him, right?

He gets started on chopping up vegetables for now.]

Do you know how to make meatballs, or do I have to hold your hand through the process?

[gangplankgalleon]

Of course I know how to procure balls of meat! What do you think I am - an ape?

[he is, in fact, carrying a fuckton of raw meat that he is forming into a bowling ball sized ball]

[boxtrot]

No, I think you're a horrible little sewer dweller.

[Spy doesn't turn around, which is probably his 7th big mistake during this whole ordeal, if you're keeping up at home.]

I hope to God you're not making them completely plain.

[gangplankgalleon]

I HAVE A FLAVOR PALETTE, YOU LITTLE WEASEL!

[its said as he is rolling it around in a tub filled to the brim with salt and vanilla sprinkles]

[boxtrot]

I have my doubts that the taste buds of a crocodile are the same as a human.

[still not looking]

[gangplankgalleon]

They’re SUPERIOR!

[spy wants it flavored? he’ll fuckin get it flavored. coffee grounds and pine needles are gently sprinkled in next before K. Rool drags this raw bowling ball meatball over to the oven, putting it in without turning the oven on.]

[boxtrot]

[Where the FUCK did he get pine needles

But fine, Ok. Sure. Spy turns around at the slam of the oven door and frowns.]

That was quick.

[gangplankgalleon]

Yes! I am the MASTER OF MEATBALLS!

[BUH HUH HUH!]

[boxtrot]

... Fine, then. Are you the master of sauce as well?

[The less work Spy has to do, the better as far as he's concerned]

[gangplankgalleon]

OF COURSE I AM, YOU INCOMPETENT! JUST HAVE ME DO ALL THE WORK, WHY DON’T YOU?!

[pouring ketchup into a saucepan.]

[boxtrot]

[Spy starts boiling water in a pot. He misses the actual pouring of the ketchup, but eventually glances over at the saucepan in horror.]

Pre-made sauce? we're not using that store-bought garbage, here, we're trying to win.

[Spy's competitive streak is starting to come out.]

[gangplankgalleon]

You point me to the tomatoes, henchman! There are none to be found!

[stirring the ketchup, adding garlic powder.]

[boxtrot]

[Spy looks around. Fuck. He's right. He curses under his breath.]

Fine. If we can't make it from scratch, it'll have to be the best damned storebought sauce these people have even tasted.

[He starts adding in some of the chopped vegetables, glancing occasionally at the pot of water.]

[gangplankgalleon]

PRECISELY! If they dare to say it isn’t fantastic, I’ll make them eat dirt! BUH HUH!

[adding an entire can of ginger. just all of it.]

[boxtrot]

[Spy completely misses this while adding the noodles to the pot.]

At least we agree on something.

[in4apounding]

[And as Spy is yanked away-]

That's not very good teamwork, Mr. Rool!

[gangplankgalleon]

THAT’S “MISTER” KING K. ROOL TO YOU! Besides, I have a permission slip!

[the permission slip is him sticking out his tongue at penny.]

[in4apounding]

Mister King Rool, sorry!

[Penny please.]

...Really? That doesn't sound right, may I see the slip?

[Sorry Keith, looks like you're gonna have to explain the joke.]